I am fairly certain that in the last 4 days of my life, I have uttered those two words almost more than others. Except for the Monday night in the hotel when I kept crying out to the Lord "you're sovereign"- my neighbors must have loved me. All week, these amazing women have cried with me, prayed with me, been angry with me, and overcome with shock with me. And each time they hear the story, they look into my heart and say "aren't you glad then the Lord brought you out?"
Yes, I am...but I still miss him.
Yes, I am glad I didn't marry him...but I still love him.
Yes, I know the Lord must have something better...but I knew it was him.
Yes...but.
My dad asked me some really humbling questions yesterday about the relationship and how it ended. I still don't have any answers. I still want to pick up the phone, call his office, and let him have it for being so cruel. But it wouldn't do me any good and I doubt he'd take my call. So i'm left doing what I should do all along, asking for the grace to get through this one moment right now.
And yes, I know I will get through this...but it still wounds.
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I love you!
ReplyDeleteJessica