40 days to a Lifetime

Today is Ash Wednesday. The beginning of Lent. The start to the most sorrowful time of the year.

Lent is always a really hard time for me. Not for what I have to give up, but for what this time means. My faith teaches me that Lent ends with the Holy Tridium; the three most holy days of the Liturgical year. Those three days before Easter, Christ is removed from the Church and everything bearing His image is covered. It is a real reminder to me of His death, and some years it hurts so much I can't breathe.

This year Lent takes on a whole new meaning. Finding something to give up certainly wasn't difficult. But giving over the pain and frustration in my heart was.

I've sulked about because I was rejected. For whatever reason I can give or can never explain, I was rejected by the one I loved.

And so Lent got closer.

A dear spiritual mentor spoke with me last night. I finally admitted my anger with the Lord for not stopping me from loving the man who didn't choose me.

And so Lent came.

I yelled at the God of creation for allowing this cup to pass through my hands.

And so Lent was real.

Lent is a hard time but it is a necessary time. It is 40 days of making yourself one with the cross. Something we should do every day but during Lent, it takes on a life of its own. This spiritual mentor happens to be a Deacon at my Church. He gently reminded me of the full weight and purpose of the Cross.

If you asked Christ, while being crucified, if He loved Judas, His answer would be a resounding "yes." Each time He fell, He loved Judas. He loved knowing He would be betrayed and rejected.

As matter of fact, He stills loves Judas.

Just as He still loves me.