My Goal for Today

Outside the weather tells me it is about to be spring: new growth, new life, new shades of green. The symbolism is not lost on me.

Also not lost on me was the Gospel reading at Mass yesterday. "Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain."

Really Lord? Really?

I couldn't help but laugh. I do want to bear fruit so much like winter brings spring, suffering and waiting in hope brings new life. So in the hope of new life, I've set a new goal for myself today. Keep in mind I'm not sure I can make this goal for all day. But much like Thomas Merton, I believe the desire to please You actually pleases You.

Instead of being angry that the last 18 months of my life seem pointless now, I'm going to rejoice that I got to see a shuttle launch under a full harvest moon.

Instead of kicking and screaming that people in his world don't know the truth of this disaster, I'm going to be thankful I got to know a whole group of people I would have never met.

Instead of harboring bitterness that a family that claimed to love me and want me to be a part of them hasn't reached out at all, I'm going to remember the way his precious niece said my name and how she and I could make each other laugh.

Instead of demanding answers from the Lord as to why all of this happened, I'm going to (with every earnest attempt) say thank you.

No clue how long this might last! In all honesty, it is so much easier to live in pity. But spring is coming and that grain of wheat as already fallen, and I want there to be new life.